Beyond Essence
by daea
Summary: Even while in the darkness he stoops lower into it. Has Riku gone too far this time, or is there somebody who can save him from what his own hurt is driving him to become? YAOI [AnsemxRiku, SoraxRiku]
1. Prologue

**Author's Notes: **

**Yo****.  Okay, I am about to attempt something very different.  Brace yourselves…*drum roll*…I am about to write…a Riku x Sora fic.  Yay for me!  *clears throat*  Well, I bet a lot of you aren't going to like this, and I bet a lot of you are, so, _if_ you are not interested in yaoi, then don't read, 'kay?  My other fiction, which is my main project, Fatal Attraction, is not yaoi.  It is straight, with Riku/Kairi and Sora/Kairi, so, this is quite the change.  But me, well, I always like change.  Thus, I have decided to write this story.  It probably won't be too long, because I am _not_ going to force that many conflicts into it, like I did with Fatal Attraction, and the plot is going to be a lot simpler.  Don't expect this to be anything extraordinary, either, because I am _not familiar with these types of things.  I'll do my best, probably not going to be putting a lot of…erm…how should I say this…lemons(I think that's the word, lol) in this, because I am highly unfamiliar with any such thing.  But, I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless.  And Fatal Attraction fans, _I DID NOT QUIT THAT STORY_.  Yes, I admit it is becoming a little slow in the progress, but that's because I'm afraid I've run myself over with too many problems and I still need some time to work them all out.  I like that story, I really do, so by all means, I intend on finishing it.  I do tend to have a problem with that, though.  Up to this day I have never finished a fan fiction.  But I will, and if I don't, then you can all kill me.  A slow, torturous, brutal death…lol, just kidding, but you get the point, ne?  I promise I won't leave it hanging.  This is just something new, to experiment with, probably, and I won't abandon the other one.  You have my word.  Okay, let's get this started…_**

**Disclaimer's Notes:**

****

**I do not own any Kingdom Hearts characters, settings, plot elements, songs, ideas, whatever…  All I own is this fic.  ^_^**

**Side Notes:**

****

**Again, if you do not enjoy yaoi, then don't read.  If you are one of my fans from Fatal Attraction, and you are against boy x boy pairings, then please just ignore this.  I wouldn't want it to change the way you view my other story…not that it should, I hope…**

**Alrighty****, then.****  Here we go.**

**( * )**

**Beyond Essence: Prologue**

**( * )**

**Riku**

            Three days ago…I was brought back to the outside world.  Three days ago I'd been saved…rescued…from my two years' prison:  Kingdom Hearts.  And ever since it's been Hell.

            I can't eat.  I can't sleep.  Time has become meaningless to me, effortlessly slipping through my grips on life and reality.  I let it slide, slip, flee…anything.  But the funny thing about time is…that…well, it never really ceases to end.  It's just…always there.  Always there, hiding within the darkest depths of the shadows, ready to lash out and strike you when you are least expecting it…to remind you that you're still here.  Still here, even if there is absolutely no one to notice.  Such a thing as time can lock you up, freeze you, bound your body to imprisoning chains, and still…still make you keep on going…keep on growing up.  It's…inevitable.  There's just nothing you can do, is there?

            I used to think that I had time for anything…everything.  And anything and everything had time for me.  I was foolish, stubborn, inconsiderate…arrogant, even, always thinking that the world had to revolve around **me, to fit **my** needs, to do what **I** wanted…  In my head…in my demented, naïve, twisted mind…**Riku** always had to come first.  ****Always, no matter what.  There was ****no place for **anyone else's** importance…not on my list…  Riku…constantly number one…**my** **own** well being as my top priority…**

            Yeah, and look at where that got me.

            See what happens to stupid little boys who are too wrapped up in themselves to notice the rest of the world around them?  Do you see?

            I do.

            When we were kids, (Sora, Kairi, me, and the rest on the island), I'd always wanted to get away…to be free…to see the outside worlds…  Back then, I didn't know what I was doing.  Constantly I would dream about getting off of the Destiny Islands, afterwards enchanting my two best friends with these wild ideas that I had about distant places…  One day the three of us decided to build a raft.  You know, get us out of there, maybe.  And when we finally had our opportunity, our once in a lifetime chance, I wasn't about to hesitate.  I jumped head first into the darkness, and I ended up spiraling downwards into a crash landing with reality.  I'd just done the worst thing possible.  I'd committed the ultimate sin.  By joining evil, I'd put Sora and Kairi in danger…I'd threatened there lives, and was so close to having them killed…

            Yet I was determined to prove it wrong.  I pushed that idea aside, somewhere far back into the corner of my clouded mind, which was confused and sedated at the time, and over and over again I would tell myself that by finding Sora, by restoring Kairi's heart, I would be righted for the wrongs that I'd done.  And I'd believed it, too.  I'd believed it because there was nothing else I could do.

            By this time, a dark witch named Maleficent had taken me in.  She promised me that by teaming up with her, by joining her ranks in the evil hierarchy, I would get Kairi back, at least.  That was a start.  If I had Kairi, her and I could look for Sora together, right?  We'd find him, we'd go home, and everything would be okay…back to the way it should be…

            **Wrong.  That'd been when I started to hear him.  It was subtle at first, just a slight nagging in the back of my head.  Then it became worse, more frequent…  I'd get these…headaches…whenever he started to talk to me.  These terrible migraines…every night…day after day, week after week.  Maleficent had started to hint at the idea that Sora had abandoned us, meaning Kairi and I…  He'd found new friends, the dog and the duck that I'd seen he'd been traveling with back when we'd met in Traverse Town.  I was hurt.  I was angry.  Why, Sora, would you do that to us?  Why?**

            Had I not been so stupid as to realize that the witch was a liar, then maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of control.

            My love for my 'once' best friend was turning into hatred.  My love for my other best friend was…slowly…becoming jealously.  Sora wanted Kairi.  Kairi wanted Sora.  And for the first time, there was no place for Riku to fit in.  I was alone, in the cold, simply…forgotten by the two people that I loved with all my heart.  The two people that I was willing to sacrifice anything for.  They didn't care about me anymore.  Who was Riku, anyway?

            Just some fucked up kid that got us all into that mess in the first place.

            Maleficent took me to other worlds, showed me new things, promised me luxuries beyond my wildest dreams…  And I was drunk.  Drunk off of her words, her lies, her seemingly magical way to make me **feel important…make me **feel** like a winner again.  I was stronger than Sora, she would tell me…so much stronger…  And it made me crazy.  I knew that I had to win.  Thus, my search for Kairi, my plan to bring her back, became more intense.  By that point I didn't care what happened to me…  As long as I got to Kairi first…I saved the day…I was the hero…then I could be satisfied.  But **only** if I could win.**

            As it turns out, **me** restoring the girl's heart was **hopeless**.  I was too dark, too evil, too…stupid.  There was nothing I could do that would help her.  I was furious, and my desire to win became all more the better.  No way…  No way in Hell would I let some little boy…my rival…become the better competitor.  I was strong, stronger than him, and I hated him so badly, yet I loved him so much at the same time.  I'd always loved Sora, and to think that he'd forgotten me was more than enough to send me over the edge, diving deeper into the darkness that veiled my corroded heart.  

            Sora defeated me.  Hollow Bastion, the dreaded place, was where he sent me into the raging sea of reality to tell me the biting truth.  I **was weak.  Weak, helpless, screwed, lost…in simpler terms, I realized, perhaps a little late in the game, that I was **fucked**.  I ran, away from Sora, away from the blinding truth…and I ran to him.  Ansem.  The one person whose enchanting, beautiful, charismatic being I was beginning to crave.  I needed him…to…comfort me, maybe?  Help me to cope with it all…help me to deal with the pain.**

            He made me an offer that I couldn't resist.  I gave in.

             And…it felt…good…  I was **the** **darkness**, I was **powerful, and Ansem even told me that he…****loved me.**

            I couldn't see, that's how much it hurt to hear him say that.  He loved me, he wanted me, he accepted me…  Ansem was just **like me.  We were so close that he was able to…somehow…use my body, to get inside of me, to make me lose control…**

            And he attempted death on the innocent boy who'd been trying to save me all along.  He tried to use me to kill my best friend.

            However, Sora was the better player.  He beat us…again…

            Ansem was gone.  He'd thrown me into the dark world of Kingdom Hearts, telling me that I was worthless…that it was a mistake for the keyblade to even **want to choose me in the first place.  He told me the vile words that stung my ears, made me mad, sad, and terrified all at once.  I was weak.  Weak, weak, weak…and that was all I ever would be.**

            Thus, I was alone again.  Sora defeated Ansem in the end, the final battle, sent him to some place that to this day I still do not know of.  I knew, by then, I'd forgiven the younger boy.  I realized what everyone had been saying was true.  Sora **was** the stronger of us two.  I had to accept it.  Sora deserved the title of a hero.  For once, **he deserved to be recognized and applauded for.  And I…I…needed to be punished.  Again, my heart returned to light, but…that was (as I had earlier found out by a wise mouse king named Mickey) all that I had left.  My body was gone.  Ansem had it.  But my heart survived, meaning that I still had a chance.  I helped Sora close the doors, sealing my fate.  And I watched as the boy that I'd secretly admired for too many years slipped out of my view, telling him to 'take care of her' (meaning Kairi), and let him go.  I let him go.  I let him go.  Sora, I realized, would **never** be ****mine.  His heart belonged to somebody else.  But I couldn't feel happy for them.  It tore me apart.  For someone as selfish as I was, the truth had really hit me hard…sort of…whizzed my head around when I wasn't looking…**

            Kairi, the little girl who I loved like a sister, who'd almost been killed on my account, was in love with Sora…  My dear Sora, whom I would never be able to forget.

            Knowing this is what caused me to gradually turn away from King Mickey's offered help.  Slowly, I began to leave him, frequently wandering around the neon-lit, isolated streets at night, asking myself why I had been such an ass about everything…  I was hurting so badly…I wanted to let go…free myself…but, physically and mentally, I was trapped.  Horrifyingly trapped.

            But that changed.  That all changed.  Ansem…he…found me one night.  He looked so…sad, too…so sad that I couldn't help but feel bad for him, despite everything he'd recently done to me in the past.  He got on his knees, which deeply surprised me, and apologized, begging me to forgive him for what he'd done.

            I couldn't control myself.  You see, with Ansem, it isn't a matter of what your heart and brain are fighting over…nothing…matters…  He's the ultimate device for forgetting, for erasing pain, demolishing hurt.  I wanted him, and I accepted his apology.

            Mickey never knew where I was going.  Sure, I felt bad for leaving him without an explanation, or even a warning, but…Ansem…was just…so…wonderful.

            Somehow, he was still able to control me.  But this time, it was like I was **helping** him to do it.  I didn't fight.  I lured myself after him…chasing him and his magical, ravishing ways.  He told me…over and over again…that he loved me, that he was so wrong to have thrown me here like that.

            But I didn't care.  I **didn't care at all about what he was saying.  He was like drugs…strangely pleasurable…addictive…filling you with ecstasy until you were too numb to feel anything at all.  Then, when he gave me my body back, I was full out gone.**

            I asked him to prove it.  I wanted to **know that he loved me, that he wasn't just saying it to fool me again…**

            And that was the night that he branded me with his blazing signature, pressed that searing name against my untouched skin, marring me forever with the act that made me his.  It was too bad that I hadn't figured it out earlier…I was Riku no longer.  I was Ansem's slave, his **willing slave, ready to jump off a bridge if he told me to do it.  Anything for him…for that painfully beautiful, seductive, gorgeous, lovely, amazing, magical, phenomenal, remarkable…god…that would tell me constantly that he loved me, and I loved him back.  I loved Ansem.  I loved him for his ability to make me feel happy, good about myself…  I loved him for that pleasure that he would give me whenever I wanted, or…when he wanted, rather.  I loved him because he was attractive, and powerful, and just…the epitome of a man.  He was amazing…or so it seemed at the time.  I loved him so much.  So, so, so much.  But Ansem never loved me back.  To him, I was just…a toy, I guess.  An object with no feelings, no life, no mind of its own.  And that was the pain that had replaced my unrequited love for my best friend.  Never would I belong.  ****Never.  All I would ever be was…in the way…or…used.  My own undying gullibility really made me an easy target.  I was just so damned stupid.**

            I was crying.  I felt the tears sliding down my face, shaming me, hurtfully reminding me of what I'd become from the time that I was fifteen-years-old.  I **hated Riku.  I **hated** myself.**

            "Oh, Riku…"

            I flinched at the gentle voice behind me and buried my face into my pillow.  I felt the foot of the bed sag a bit, letting me know that I had company, and I began to cry harder.  He wrapped his arms around my trembling shoulders and cradled my head next to his chest.

            "Riku," he whispered, and I tried to stifle the scratchy sob caught in my throat.  It was tickling me, though, and, despite my inner protests, I had to let it out.       I really didn't deserve a friend like him.  Please, Sora…just leave me alone…  Just…go away…

            "Why are you still crying?"

            Because, Sora…these tears won't stop.  They just…won't…stop.  

            "Why, Riku?"  His voice was so gentle, so…soothing…  And I could feel his hands against my back…strong hands…powerful, yet comforting at the same time.  Maybe…I could just…let him hold me for tonight…  Maybe…

            "Please don't cry anymore…"

            My tears flew.

**( * )**

**Author's Notes:  Well, whaddaya think?  Should I continue?  Got any suggestions, constructive criticism, compliments*winks*?  Alright, review and tell me what you think of this so far?  I'm quite satisfied; despite some weaknesses in the whole summary of Riku's little…adventure…shall I say?  And the parts with Ansem will be cleared up later on, going into more detail about his and Riku's 'relationship'.  Hope you liked this so far.  See ya!  ^_^**

-Rain

            

****


	2. Part One, Chapter One

**Beyond Essence : Part One, Chapter One**

**( * )**

**Riku**

            The one thing about Kingdom Hearts that I really hated most was that it always rained.  It **always rained.  I couldn't remember a time where the sun was out.  Well, that's probably because there is no sun here.  It's just…dark…  That's really the only way that I can think of to describe it.  If you asked me to sum up Kingdom Hearts in one word, I would have to say dark.  And by dark I don't just mean the color of the atmosphere…**

            I mean everything.

            The Heartless, the mood, the city, the souls…  Everything about it.

            Darkness…

            It's all painted black.  The blackest of black; more black than the midnight sky, more black than the darkest hair, more black than the deepest depths of Hell…

            It's the black of nothingness, and that's the worst black of all.

            I sighed.  Trudging through these streets aren't really my idea of fun, but…what else is there to do?  If I stayed behind with Mickey all I would be hearing was his rambling on and on about his castle, and his friends, and his wife, or I would have to listen to his lectures on how I should help him look for a way out of here instead of moping around all day.  That was the **last thing I needed right now.**

            I was just…tired…of being here.  I didn't feel like socializing with him, or fighting off the fucking Heartless while we searched aimlessly in every nook and cranny of this forsaken place, hoping that maybe…just maybe…we'd find a way out.  And I've told him so many times that it was never going to work.  We were **hearts**…and that was it.  Hearts couldn't get out of this place.  It was impossible.  But the thing about Mickey is that he doesn't listen.  Sure, he's a nice…mouse…and all, but when he has his mind set on doing something, nothing's going to stop him.  Stubborn as hell, that's what I say.  And he tells me that I'm obstinate…

            Kicking a rock out of my path, I put a hand to my forehead and rubbed from side to side.  This is **so boring.  I ****really need something else to do.  But there is ****nothing else here.**

            All of the people…they don't speak.  I'll pass them once in a while, if they decide to come out, and they'll just walk right by me like I'm not even there.  Not so much as a smile.  Sheesh, talk about a lack of personality.  If Mickey thinks **I'm** bad, then he really doesn't see enough of this place.  

            I kept on going, almost lethargic as I made my way down the empty street, moving past buildings and ignoring the few Heartless that lined the sidewalks.  They don't really bother me when I'm by myself.  I guess you could say that my heart isn't…the purest…  You see, once I submitted to the darkness, they didn't really take an interest in me anymore.  They look for the lighter beings, like Mickey, for example.  What's the use of taking a heart that's already been corrupted?  To them, I'm pretty much useless.  Not that it's not okay, but sometimes I wished that they'd give me some sort of challenge.  At least then I would have **something to do.**

            The icy pellets of rain were bulleting through my clothing, tearing at the surface of my practically numb skin.  I'm so used to the chilliness of it…I don't even think I can feel it anymore.

            Too bad that there's no way of keeping track of the time here, because sometimes I wonder how long it's been.  I wonder if I'd be sixteen yet.  Probably close to it, at least.  But then again, I'm sure that this just feels longer than it really is.  I snorted out loud, earning a quick glance from the scampering shadows before they disregarded me again.  There's not even a night and day in this place.  I sleep when I'm tired, and I wake up when I wake up.  I try to work out with Mickey's keyblade, just to keep my strength up and maintain my figure.  Sometimes I run through the streets, in the rain…  Mickey has some…secret stash where he gets food for us…although it's not nearly enough to satisfy my appetite.  Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm not starving or anything…but I'm always **a little hungry…  The food's not even…food, either, but…I have to eat it, because if I don't then there's nothing else for me to live off of.  And all we have to drink is water.  God only knows where in the world he finds that.**

            And sometimes…when I'm really…lonely…I think about him.  Sora.  I try not to, because…it hurts, you know?  But I can't help myself.  When Mickey tells stories about his wife, and how he loves her so much…it makes me remember.  I wish that I could tell him the same things about Sora…about how I miss him, and I know that he'll be waiting for me when I come back home…

            And after that I wonder if he even realizes that I'm not there.  Does he remember me at all, or is he too happy with Kairi to miss his once-best friend?  

            In the end, it all winds down to the fact that he'll never love me in the same way that I love him.  It scares me to think that I'll never see him again, but what frightens me the most is that he might hate me if I ever do.

            It hurts.

            When you're the one who…cares more…  It's just a terrible situation to be in, when you **know **for a fact that the one person who you would…give your life for…who you love with all of your heart…can't ever possess those feelings for you.  And even more, they don't know that you feel that way about them in the first place.

            Ever since I started **thinking** about…love…Sora's been the first person that came to mind.  I knew that I didn't like girls…that way.  They were great friends, sure, but not good for being in relationships with.  Take Kairi, for instance.  I loved her, and I still do, unimaginably much.  But it isn't like that.  She's like a sister to me.  I feel like I have to protect her, to keep her from harm.  Kai's a great friend, and even though I'd faked it for that last year or so that we lived on our island before the darkness came, I didn't have…feelings…for her.  I guess pretending that I did was just my way of hiding the way that I really was.  Yes, I was gay.  I liked Sora…like that…  I loved him in an…intimate way.  I looked at him…sexually.  And yet I was ashamed to let anybody know.  Or perhaps I was **afraid of letting anybody know.  My biggest fear growing up had been being rejected, because, in a way, I always was.  I was always…the third wheel, or, in second place.  If my friends and family knew that I liked boys instead of girls…  I just didn't want them to see me in that light.  I thought that if they knew, they would look at me differently, and they wouldn't treat me the same.  Now…I regret it…because…  I don't know.  Maybe if Sora knew…then…maybe he would…maybe…feel the same way towards me.  But I doubt it.  I guess I would just feel better if I hadn't lived my whole life as a lie.  It's a shame…that being gay has to be such a…crime…in that community.  My father…  He would always scorn upon homosexuals…and say that they were…sick…and messed up.  I **hated** when he did that.  It made me ****hate him, too, because when he said those things, unknowingly, he was scorning me as well.  My mother, at least, wasn't like that…but the reason that I didn't tell her was because I feared that she'd let it slip to my dad, and then…  Ha, he'd probably disown me if he ever knew.  He looked at gays like they were lower than the rest of the world, like they didn't deserve to be considered **humans**.  It made me feel so ashamed.  And, at times, when I remember his words well enough, it still does.  So I guess that I have my father to blame for my fear of being known as a homo.  I can't even count how many times he ****forced me to participate in sports.  Blitzball, swimming, sparring…everything…  If he saw me reading, for God's sake, he would tell me that reading was for girls and that men shouldn't care about books.  Sometimes I just…wanted to hit him…in the worst way…but I never did.  My father was the one person who I wouldn't stand up to, because he was the one person who could hurt me with words the most.  I don't think I was afraid of him physically, even though he was strong.  I didn't think that I could deal with his mental abuse, though.  Everything he said…he could break me down so easily…and it shames me to say so.  He really was a…terrible person.  Now that I think about it, he was so prejudiced.  His favorite thing to do was pick somebody apart.  Everybody was scared of him.  Even my friends…  They would always ask me if my father was going to be home before we went over to my house.  There was this one time…where he said something to Sora…  And that was the only time that I stood up to my dad.  ****Nobody talks to Sora that way.  He called him a wuss…just because he turned down a game of blitzball with Tidus and some other boys.  I was so angry.  I felt so…mad…and at that moment…  Ugh, I couldn't even control what I said to him.  I screamed at him…telling him that **he** was the wuss for always abusing everybody like that…  I didn't talk to my father for an entire week after that incident.  Maybe I was ashamed of being gay, but I was ashamed of my father even more for the type of person that he was.  Unless it was somebody exactly like him…he would find something wrong with them…  With my father, there was a problem with pretty much **everybody**.  He was such a…bastard…  I wonder what my mother ever even saw in him.  And I wonder why she never left him.  Probably it was because she was afraid to.  Poor Mom.  Perhaps after a year of me being gone…she would find the courage to get away from him.  I hope so.  And if I ever return, I'll make sure that I tell my father off.  Actually, the first thing I'll say to him is that I'm gay.  Yeah, let's see how he takes it then.    **

            I didn't even realize where I'd been walking this entire time.  The next thing I knew I was next to this…building…that I've never seen before.  It's not much different from the rest of the skyscrapers around this area except…these…television screens all over the front.  Weird…  

            I peered out from underneath my raincoat hood and sighed, wondering what to do next.  The problem wasn't really that I was lost, but…it was more of that I didn't want to go back right away.  Should I **look** around, or should I **turn** around?  Maybe, although I highly doubt it, I'll find **something interesting to do around here.**

            Yeah, right.  Like that'll ever happen.

            Well, it never hurts to try…right?

            I took a few steps forward, my rubber boots squeaking with mucky water and mud.  This building…could be…something…

            I could go check it out, but people might be living in it.  So maybe not.

            "Damn it," I said to myself as I stopped again.  I looked up at the colorful television screens, straining my eyes to see the pictures that moved across them.  The rain made it too blurry to tell.

            Shadows darted over the asphalt, sliding underneath my feet and brushing past my ankles.  They were definitely more…ugly here than they were back in the other worlds.  They were bigger, and scrawnier, with wriggling antennas and flailing arms and legs.  Kinda…cockroach-like…

            My hair was drenched, considering my over-sized hood had fallen off and had been hanging down for quite some time now.  I shook my head, somewhat resembling a dog, I believe, and tried my best to stop it from dripping onto my neck as I walked across the road and stopped in front of the building's door.  When I gave it a light push, it opened easily.

            It was dark.  I chuckled softly as I eyed the set of stair cases only a few feet in front of me, multiple ones stacked all on top of each other but leading to their own separate floors.  Did I even **expect it to be anything else?  There was dirt everywhere.  On the walls, on the floor, even…on the…ceiling…  Gross.  Looks like just another…rundown building…**

            With an exaggerated sigh, I took one last glance at the vacant stairways and spun on my heel, ready to leave.  But somebody called me.

            "You there."

            My eyes widened at the accusing voice and I jumped a little, honestly not expecting any company.  Carefully, I turned around.  

            "Whaddaya think yer doing, intruding into my house like…" the gruff, dirty-looking man paused and pointed towards the partially opened doorway that lay just behind me.  "that."

            His house?  Eyes still wide, I tried to regard him as innocently as I possibly could and held up my hands.  "I didn't know that anybody lived in here," I replied, taking a step backwards and putting my hands back at my sides.  "Honest…"  I watched as he took a wobbly step down the staircase and eyed me curiously.  "-ly."

            "Honestly, eh?"

            I nodded.

            "What brings you down in these here parts anyway?" he asked me as he took a couple of more steps down, a little more than halfway now.  He seemed…drunk…  I think…  His speech was a little slurred and his eyes looked a bit red and bloodshot.  

            I took another step towards the adjacent doorway.  "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and I got lost."

            He came down farther, still staring at me and holding onto the wooden banister for dear life.  When he didn't respond, I figured that maybe he didn't hear me the first time.

            "I got lost," I repeated, feeling very foolish.  I tried not to grimace at his scent the closer he got to me, but, eww.  It was so **gross.  Like alcohol and rotten eggs and sweat all mixed together.**

            "I heard ya, damn it," he stated bluntly, finally making his way to the ground floor.  His shoulder-length brown hair was held back by a red bandana that was tied around his forehead, but even so, some strands managed to escape and fall into his eyes.  He had no shirt on, and his pants were hanging loosely off of his waist, ripped and badly torn.  I continued to back away, but stopped when my back rammed into the edge of the door.  Damn.  He moved in closer to me, and I tried my hardest to stay calm, despite the way his clouding eyes managed to roam over my midsection like that.

            Nervously, I bit my bottom lip.  "Listen," I started, growing tenser with every passing second.  "I'll just get out of here and be on my way, and we could forget that this ever happened."

            He grabbed a hold of my wrist, and I have to say that his strength in such a drunken manner really surprised me.  I was so caught up in his unexpected action that I didn't catch his next movement.  His other hand…on my ass…  I paled.

            "I don't think yer goin' anywhere in such a hurry, boy."

            Shit.  Eyed widening to heaven and back, I'm sure, I twisted and tried to pry myself away from his rough grasp.  He laughed at my struggling, and then used one of his feet to kick the door closed.  I fell back against it with a thud.

            "Why doncha stay for a while?" he asked, the nicotine in his breath hitting me in the face like a stinky blast as he brought his lips closer to mine.

            I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything.  I just stood there, watching in horror as he leaned in to…kiss me…

            Okay, **that** was enough.  Yanking my wrist free, I used both hands to shove him backwards a few feet and turned around, frantically fumbling with the doorknob as I tried to make it twist open.  I felt a hand grab me by the hood, pulling a good amount of my hair with it, and I was instantaneously spun around and pinned between my way of escaping and the tall, muscular, sweaty body of the man assaulting me.

            I grimaced.

            He grinned.  "Take it easy, kid.  It's not every day that a pretty boy like you comes around this dump."

            I felt as if my stomach were doing flip-flops inside of my body.  "You're sick," I retorted, pressing myself harder into the coldness of the thick, metal door.  I am **so** fucked.  Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…  I have to get away.  Oh, God, please…help me…  Please…

            He slid his hands across my chest and felt around for the raincoat's zipper.  

            "Let go of me," I said in a pleading voice, locking my thighs together, my upper body wriggling underneath his unwelcome touch.  "Come on, I didn't…I…didn't mean to…"

            Finally, he just ripped my coat off of me.  Now clad in only my skin tight yellow tank and baggy blue pants, I felt even worse.

            "Please stop it."

            "Relax," he whispered, pecking me on the lips quickly and moving his hands down to the buckles of my pants.  "I'm not gonna hurt ya, alright?"

            "No, not alright," I answered quickly, sliding my hips against the wall from side to side as I tried to escape.  He had me pinned down with his own pelvis, though, and with him being considerably stronger and taller than I am; I was finding it rather difficult to get loose.  "This is not okay.  You have to let me go."

            With a bibulous chuckle, he pressed his contaminated mouth against my lips again and tried to pry them open with his tongue.  I squirmed and squealed, twisted and punched…anything to try and break free…but I found, to my great disappointment and surprise, that I was no match for this guy's strength.  Still refusing to allow him access to my mouth, I pushed against his chest and pounded him mercilessly with clenched fists.  Finally, when he pulled his face away from mine, probably because I was getting annoying, I inhaled sharply and threw my head back against the wall.

            "Get off," I whispered, my lips now reacting to the roughness of his tongue and his teeth as he had tried to get them to open.  "Get off of me, now."

            "Not yet," he answered, looking quite amused as he resumed the battle with my seemingly stubborn pant buckles.  "I've still gotta screw ya, first."

            I snapped.  No way in **Hell.  Absolutely **not**.  "No!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, my fear and anger of such an invasion on my privacy finally taking control.  "No, you bastard!  You'd better get the fuck off of me before I punch your fucking lights out!"**

            Well, that…surprised him…  He looked up, stopping what he was doing with his hands and regarded me with a set of widened brown eyes.  I used that opportunity to shove him backwards and make a run for the stairs, stumbling over his right foot and throwing myself towards the first step with everything that I had.  Oh my God.  I can't believe this is happening to me.  I can't believe it.

            "Come back here," he called after me as he attempted to follow me up the steps.  It was good thing that he was drunk, because I doubt that I would've been able to outrun him had he been sober.  

            And as if my life depended upon it, I forced my legs to move as fast as they possible could up the gritty stairwell, blocking out the noise of his heavy footsteps clambering behind me as I traveled up story to story.

            And then…I hit something…and I went tumbling backwards…down the stairs, down the stairs, and **POW**.  The back of my head slammed against the stone wall, and it felt as if the whole insides of my head had just been torn apart and were rolling freely around in my skull.

            I heard someone running at me…from both directions…and I squeezed my eyes shut, too engrossed in the searing pain that shot towards my forehead and down my spine to care anymore.  **Fuck, it ****hurt like **hell**.**

            "Oh, crap," the man swore loudly, afterwards letting out something similar to a yelp as a hard, cracking noise filled my ears.

            I was losing it.  My head was spinning and my body was in shock.  It kind of felt like…I was…dreaming…

            A pair of hands grabbed me by the waist, and I was quickly hoisted into a pair of metal-clad…arms…  

            "No," I murmured, shocked at how quietly my voice came out.  My eyes wouldn't open, as they felt heavy and badly bruised.  The arms lifted me up higher and leaned my face against a shoulder…a warm shoulder…  I moaned.  My head hurt so much.

            "Shh."

            "No," I said again, trying to fight off the heavy blanket of blackness that seemed to be encompassing my skull and mingling in with the agonizing pain.  "Lemme…go…"  It seemed like I was spinning, whirling in the wind.

            We were going down the stairs…getting closer to the bottom…

            I moaned into the comfortable shoulder one more time, and, too tired and in too much pain to protest any longer, I didn't respond to the hand that positioned itself underneath my butt this time.

            Oh, God, my head is **killing** me.  How hard did I hit myself?

            "You'll be okay," a soothing voice said as one of his arms wrapped itself around my shoulders.  It was a man…for the voice was deep…and he felt…muscular…

            And…he sounded so…familiar…

            I felt my body going limp in his arms, finally giving up to the relentless pain.  I felt rain hitting me in the face…trickling down my neck and cheeks…and…without a coat…I was…cold…

            But it didn't matter…  My head was the only thing I could think about right now…well…I couldn't really think, anyway…  It hurt…so…incredibly…much…

            God.

            "You'll…be…fine…"

            That was the last thing I heard before drifting into a dreamless sleep.

**( * )**

**Riku**

            I twisted underneath something…warm…  Like a blanket…and…sheets…  Satin sheets…

            What the…hell?

            Where am I?

            Eyes still closed, I buried my face into a pillow and groaned.  Well, wherever I am, it sure is comfy.

            "Mmm," I hummed absently with my mouth suppressed by the fluffy cushion.  This felt so nice.  And it smelled so good.  I haven't slept in a real bed for so long.  Ahhhhh……

            Something touched my cheek.  "What?" I groaned crankily, still incredibly sleepy, and I pulled away from what felt like fingers as they brushed along my skin one more time.

            Wait a minute.  Fingers?

            Somebody chuckled, and I froze in my spot.  Oh my God.  No, it…couldn't be…him…could it?  

            "Ansem?" my voice cracked, and I rolled back over so that I was turned towards his voice.  Slowly, my eyes fluttered open, and I almost choked.  "Oh my God."

**( * )**

**Author's Notes:  Hey, I'm back!!  See, I didn't forget this fic.  I wanna continue it.  ^_^  Anyhow, sorry it took me SO INCREDIBLY LONG to update.  I had severe…writer's block…erm…*cough*  No, I really did, but I'm trying to get over it so that I can present you with more chapters to this story.  It's actually fun to write, just, a little hard to get the right characterizations at time…  But I tried, so…*shrugs*  you know how it is.  Well, review and tell me if you liked it or not.  Hell, I shouldn't be asking you that.  You guys were AWESOME with your reviews for chapter one.  I was SO SURPRISED!!  But pleasantly surprised, lol.  19 reviews!!  Damn, in my other story I only got 2 for the first chapter.  So thanks a bunch!!  ^_~**

Oh, and if anybody was confused, this chapter was taking place BEFORE chapter one, even though that is the prologue.  I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear.  See, I'm going to break this story into 3 parts or something…so Part 1 is in KH, Part 2 is back in Traverse Town with Sora and the gang, and then a Part 3…well…I'm not sure about a part 3 yet.  But sorry if you were confused.  I hope I cleared that up.  Anyhow, I'll see you all later, and I'll TRY not to take so long to update next time.  Thanks for all your support in your reviews, again.  You guys are all REALLY nice.  Hehe.

Bye,

Vix  ^_~

                          


	3. Part One, Chapter Two

**Beyond Essence: Part One, Chapter Two**

**( * )**

**Riku**

            Those first few nights with Ansem I would dream of him.  Sora.  He'd be looking at me with one of those playful smiles of his--the ones that he used to give me when offering or accepting a challenge back home.  His eyes were so blue and clear...and he'd always be so happy...  But whenever I tried to touch him, the dream would end and he would disappear, fading into the soft black that I'd come to know as my unconscious mind.  

            When I cried out his name...the only answer I ever received was Ansem's arms encircling my waist and pulling me into his solid chest, reaching up to stroke my hair and petting me while I was only half-awake.  My cries turned to pleads, and then whimpers, and after that they would just die down completely and I would start to murmur Ansem's name instead.  That was how it always went.  

            I don't know why my dreams began to focus back on Sora after Ansem found me, or maybe I always had been dreaming of him but could never remember it by the time that I woke up.  I wanted Sora, I knew, but when I couldn't have him...I guess I just went for the next best thing...

            Ansem.  Somewhere...far back in the corner of my mind...I knew that I shouldn't have gone to him...  I knew it was wrong, yet...there was just something so...compelling...about him.  Something so powerful, so...dominating...and for the first time in my life, I think I **liked **being the submissive one...  I was actually glad for somebody who could take care of me and hold me when I was scared.  I didn't have to play brave anymore.  I didn't have to be the fearless leader.  I could just...be what I really was...  A kid who needed somebody to hold onto...to love him...  And it was perfectly okay.

            When he hugged me like that after one of my dreams, I think my need for comfort just increased.  I wanted comfort.  Ansem was comfort.  I wanted Ansem.  And that was it.

            He was there and he was there for me, and in my eyes...he was the way to forget the past and erase all of the memories.  He was Ansem and he was perfect.  He was everything.  It didn't take long until I became addicted to this man and his incredible aura, and he became my world...my lifeline...my support...  I needed him with everything that I had, and I couldn't let him go.

            I guess that's what led me to fall in love with him...or perhaps...it wasn't even love...  Lust, maybe, or just my burning desire to be with him.  I don't know...  Maybe I didn't even know what love was.  I was only a kid, after all, as much as I hated to admit it.  Did I love Sora?  Maybe...  I think I did, but...is it really love when you just have a crush on somebody who doesn't even like you back?  Is that really love, or is it just...a crush?  A want for something that you know you'll never get?  Is that love?

            I  was beginning to think that it wasn't...

            And that's where the story begins.

            I don't know how long it'd been since Ansem rescued me that night in the rundown building...  All I know was that it'd been a while...a long while...and I was really beginning to crave him.  I wanted something from him that he hadn't given me yet.  His signature...his brand...  I wanted his word to become more than a promise.  When he told me that he loved me, I wanted to know that he wasn't just saying it for the sake of saying it.  I wanted to **know** that he **meant **it.  Reassurance...I wanted reassurance...  I wanted the final sealing.  And I wanted it badly.  

            I don't think I could describe the sudden feelings that came over me.  It was weird...like...I just wanted...to do it...you know?  I'd never done it before, and I'd never **really** thought about it until now.  I mean, I'd **fantasized** before, dreaming about it or even...imagining it...but that was different.  Now I **really **wanted.  Really badly.  And I wanted it from Ansem.  I wanted him to give it to me, too, whereas in the past I would always see myself as the one giving...

            I was stupid, maybe, yes, but I couldn't control myself.  It was such a strong desire...  I needed it fulfilled.  I felt like I had a...void...something missing...  Maybe if he gave that to me, it would disappear.  I don't know.  There's a lot of things that I don't know...

            But I know I wanted him.  If I know anything, then I know that was definitely what I wanted.  Ansem.  Satisfaction.  If he could give that to me...I felt like then, maybe, everything would just go away for good...

            Who knew how wrong I would turn out to be...?

            But at the moment, all I knew was that I wanted him.  I wanted sex.  I wanted to feel that feeling that was supposedly...euphoria.  Or the ultimate pleasure.  Whatever.  I just wanted it, and most of all...I wanted to make sure that when he said that he loved me he was telling the truth.  If I had that then I figured I had everything.  I wanted everything.  I wanted just that.  And I wanted to forget.  

            So I guess you can say that I wanted a lot of things...which is true...  I was the type of person who doubted a lot.  I hated it when I doubted things.  I liked to question.  I liked the word 'why'.  And when I doubted his love and wanted to know if it was really true, I thought that sex would be the best way to find out.

            Mad sex.  Was it hormones?  Could've been, but I think, like I said before, it was just him.  Ansem screams sex.  It's kind of hard to understand if you've never been around him, but...really...that's probably the best definition I can give him, as bad as it may sound.  

            Whenever I was around him...he just seemed to have this crazy...power...over me...  It was the strangest thing.  By just being himself...he could pretty much get me to do anything...  And that brings me back to the question of if I really loved him or not?  

            I still don't know the answer.  It may have seemed like that, but as you read on...and you hear of everything that happened later...you may find yourself agreeing with my thinking.

            I have to start at the beginning, though.

            So like I was saying, something about him just seemed to have such a control over me...  When I saw him, sometimes it would even get to the point where I would have to look away, because just the sight of him made my body overwhelm itself with pre-sexual symptoms.  And sometimes it got really bad.  One time I even began to feel dizzy, no exaggeration.

            Obviously I was **dying** to sleep with this man.  For all of my reasons, I just felt the strongest urge to have him take me to bed.  I couldn't control it.  I was going wild, on the inside and out.  I needed Ansem and I needed hardcore sex, and _Ansem_ = _hardcore sex_.  I know I sound like a whore, but honestly...I wasn't...  It was just Ansem.  Had it been anybody else I don't think my desires would've been that bad.  Not even if it had been Sora.

            But somewhere I knew I still loved Sora...or **liked** Sora, whichever you prefer to call it.  It was just...when I thought about him...it hurt...so a lot of times I would try **not** to think about him, and I would think about Ansem instead.  Ansem was all that I had at the moment, and frankly...he was all that I wanted.  At the moment.  

            He was in the shower when it happened.  I don't know...I was just...out of control that night...  I was sitting in bed and waiting for him to come out, and all that I could think about was how gorgeous he would be nude.  Believe it or not, I had never seen him naked before, even though he had seen me many times...  I can't explain how exactly I got the courage to just go up and...do something...but...  Actually, I don't think it was courage at all.  I think it was just an overload of craving.  

            My mind was screaming at me.  I felt pain in my lower area...  Sharp pain...  Well, actually, it wasn't really pain, just...a sensation...  A **REALLY** painful sensation.  

            It was definitely ten times worse than any other 'sensation' that I had ever felt before, and believe me, I had felt a lot of them.

            I just had to have it then.  There.  Now.  I had to.  It took all that I had to refrain from screaming out in the unbearable feeling, and when I went to get up, stiffly, I couldn't help the muffled cry that erupted from my throat.  I put a hand to my mouth and stood still with the other hand squeezing the black silk of the blankets and sheets.  For a moment I did nothing, only stood there, with my painful erection and lethal grip on the fabric below me.  With a deep breath I uncovered my mouth, and slowly, I released the blanket and took a step forward, only to bite back another moan and pitiful whine.  The bathroom was only a few steps away...  I breathed in again and decided that it would be best to just...run...and that way I'd be there faster and I wouldn't have to endure the agonizing effects of my perverted thoughts.  

            So run I did, and unfortunately, that didn't relieve me any better.  I squeaked somewhere in between really high and really breathlessly, and that time Ansem must have heard me, because he turned around from behind the glass and regarded me with a small smile of confusion.

            Fuck.

            He was...absolutely...stunning...  Stunningly.  Beautiful.  God help me.

            "What is it?" he asked indifferently, and the nonchalant tone of voice he used only made me more aroused.

            I stumbled over to him, clutching myself somewhat awkwardly, I suppose, and pulled the sliding glass door open with an almost desperate strength.  He was staring at me in bewilderment, the smile gone, but I think when he saw where exactly I was holding myself he figured out my reason for disturbing his alone time.  He just grinned and took a step backwards, motioning for me to come in clothes and all.  

            I obeyed.

            And as soon as I stepped into that shower, his fingers grabbed my own and pulled them off of my area.  He began to play with the zipper of my black jeans...slowly...pulling it down halfway and then up again.  

            I was dying.

            "You didn't come in here for a shower, I'm guessing?"

            "No," I breathed, voice faltering on the unusually high note, and I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his chest, his chin resting on my scalp.  I'd grown taller that last year, and now I wasn't so short compared to him, at least, but I was still a good nine inches shorter.  Or something like that.  It sounded close enough.

            He laughed lightly and finally just pulled the zipper down all the way, afterwards removing the button and letting my pants drop down to my ankles.  The water was coming down hard against his tanned flesh, giving his toned and muscular body the most delicious appeal that I had ever seen before.  He was radiant...shimmering...and the way his long platinum hair hung down and clung to his skin like that...

            For fuck's sake...

            "Ansem," I choked out as I wrapped my arms around his waist and dug my nails into his back, "I need you to prove that you love me.  I need to know for sure.  I need..."  I squealed when his hand slipped down into my boxers and grabbed my manhood.  "Fuck.  You have to do this for me.  You have to do it now."

            He laughed again.  "Anxious, are we?  I can only go so fast, darling."

            I pulled my arms away from him and tore off my own shirt, throwing it by the drain and pushing my head farther into his firm chest.  He was torturing me.  I couldn't look, because if I did I honestly don't know what would've happened.  "Just...please...go..."

            "Shh," he whispered, bringing his lips down to the side of my neck and making his tongue work in circular, swirling motions as he pulled down my underwear, leaving me completely naked and aroused. 

            I shuddered.

            "You have to work with me, you know."

            "I'm sorry," I gasped breathlessly.  "This is my first time."

            He chuckled into my skin, breath hitting my flesh like a warm spray of addiction.  His hands slid down so that they were positioned on both sides of my slippery hips as he continued to kiss me, mouth traveling around my chin until it finally hit the corner of my mouth.  

            I moved into the kiss and opened my mouth to allow him access.  His lips were so nice...  I'd kissed him before, but...shit, this was good.  Damn good.  My tongue fought back viciously, greedily...  I wanted it just as much as he did.  Somewhere it reminded me of sparring...and even though I hated to lose...both of us knew that this time I wanted him to dominate.  He went faster and I pushed harder, our tongues dancing in the most graceful manner that they possibly could given the situation.

            So beautiful...  God, he was so gorgeous that it hurt.

            I was full out gone by now.

            My erection hurt like hell.  I needed relief, and I needed it fast.  I brought my hips closer to his in hope that he would get the message, and he forced me back against the porcelain wall of the shower and grinded his pelvis into my own, now getting stiff and beginning to rise himself.

            I moaned into his mouth and he took the opportunity to gag me with his tongue, my hands sliding up his slippery chest and tangling themselves in his dripping hair as I pulled and yanked out of desperation.  I was so stiff...  Fuck, I need him **now**.  **_NOW_**.

            I thrust my waist forward and slammed into him forcefully, moaning louder and more painfully.  Pulling my mouth away from his I breathed his name and untwisted my fingers from his shimmering hair, practically wheezing from being so out of breath because of his powerful tongue-lock.

            "Now," I whispered to him as I groped for his shoulders and forced myself to stay upright.  "I need you to take me now."

            He replied with a dazed nod, taking me by the shoulders and spinning me around with such force that I felt like I was going to slam into the wall.  My hands stopped me from getting hurt, though, and unsteadily I leaned against the wall and gripped it tightly.

            I was ready, I told myself convincingly as I awaited him to enter me with the first thrust.  I was ready.  This is what I'd wanted all along.

            It was then that I spilled.  My seed came pouring out, erupting all over the wall like white lava and trickling down quickly as it mingled with the spraying water of the blasting faucet.  My groin felt sticky...hot...  I moaned loudly, finally relieved of my torture, and I felt his fingers squeezing my hips as he positioned himself right above my entrance.

            "Go," I sighed wearily, though I was still very much aroused and drowned in my pleasure.

            He forced himself into me rather roughly on that first throw, and I had to say it was a lot more painful than I had expected it to be.  He was a grown man and I was pretty tight, having never done this before, but at least the hot water worked as some kind of lubricant.  Again and again he did this, hands gripping me tighter and nails digging deeper into my flesh every time.  I think I may have screamed once or twice, but the sensations I was feeling were making everything seem like nothing but an amazing dream.  It hurt, but somehow my mind was making me believe that it was wonderful.

            And at the moment it really was.

            Finally, he came inside of me, and both of us sighed in relief as he pulled out and I slid down against the wall with my cheek pressed up against it and my body shivering with feelings that I had never felt before.  He dropped down next to me, his powerful back shielding me from the water that shot down in the direction of my face, and he pulled me to his chest and let me rest my head against him sleepily.

            I was definitely not in his dimension.  I was somewhere far beyond that.

            That was...the most...insane thing I had ever done in my life.

            Holy shit.

            The water continued to spill down against him and wash across his skin, and he kissed me one more time before leaning back and finger-combing my wet, shoulder-length hair with his strong fingers.

            "Thank you," I sighed into his chest, and too wrapped up in pleasure and engulfed in the crazy new feelings I was experiencing, I didn't catch his answer.

            I just fell asleep right then and there.

            And now that I think back, it was funny how fast I'd forgotten about Sora when I thought that empty void was being filled.

**Author's Notes:  **Ah, shit, I can't believe I wrote that!  Lol, whoa, that was weird.  But it was frighteningly fun.  O.o…  Anyway, I did it again.  I took a long time to update.  *sighs*  Oh well.  I was just lazy.  I started writing this chapter a couple of times, hated it, erased it, and didn't start again for a while.  I'll really try to work on that, I promise.

Hmm, what else…?  Oh, yes, I have a question for you guys.  I want to add Sora's POV to this, but I don't know if that would make it weird and mess the readers up with their focus on Riku's side of the story.  What do you guys think about that?  Should I just keep it as Riku or add Sora in as well?

And don't start to like Ansem, I warn you, just in case you have.  ^_^  He's not going to be so friendly in later chapters, but you'll see when the time comes.  I think I added a bit of foreshadowing somewhere in this chapter, ne?  And I know Riku's emotions may sound a bit twisted or whatever, but honestly, I tried and it was the best I could do.  I can't sit here an rewrite this chappie forever.  

Reviewers, thank you all.  You guys are great and I really appreciate all of your kind and helpful comments!!  ^_~

Review and tell me what you think, please.  Thanks again!  I'll see you all next chapter, and I hope you enjoyed that lemon.  Heheh, it was my first, so I apologize for it if it was a bit frightening.  I thought it was hot, though.  Lol.  Bye-bye.

-Vix-


	4. Part One, Chapter Three

**Beyond Essence:  Part One, Chapter Three**

**Riku**

**( * )**

"Sora…"  I twisted uncomfortably underneath the heavy weight of the feather blanket, tossing and turning to an inevitable degree during my endless dreams.  Damp hair clung to my perspiring forehead.  Prickling heat stuck to my skin.  "Sora."  My breath came in short, uneven gasps, and every desperate inhalation I sucked in tore across my lungs like a jagged dagger, burning and stinging and saturating my chest with a cold, searing sort of pain.  I was hot, yet cold, warm, yet cool.  My head ached and pressure pounded mercilessly from behind my closed eyelids.  It filled my sinuses with a feverish torture that I never knew, and I thrashed wildly as I saw the smiling face of the angelic boy from the dark depths of my nightmare, arms and legs flailing, hitting rather roughly anything that they came into contact with.  "Sora…Sora…"  Again with these dreams.  Why wouldn't they go away?  Why?  All the time…every night…  

            Why, Sora, do you torture me so?

            I felt the sticky strands of silver hair whip my cheeks as my head snapped back and forth violently, breaking the skin like leather and scrubbing the skin raw.  "Sora…  God, Sora, please…"  Please.  My hands trembled and my heart sank.  "Sora."  My throat felt dry…constricted…like loads of cotton had been shoved and stuffed into my mouth, packed to the limit, sucking up all of my saliva and capturing the moisture.  I hurt.  I hurt.  Pain.  My wrist slammed into a soft hardness and I heard a grunt in my ear, so I slammed again and again, harder each time, straining to see my best friend as his glow began to fade and his grin began to flicker.  No…  "Sora!" I cried, desperate…wailing…  He couldn't leave me, not again.  No, Sora, no no no.  Come back.  "Sora, please!"  My voice rang in the emptiness that followed as I bit back a cry of frustration, head beginning to spin as I watched the whirling colors of blues and blacks suffocate his expression.  "Sora!"  I writhed in agony, squirming against a new force that had gripped onto my shoulders and was currently struggling to hold me in my place.  "Sora!"  Fuck, don't leave me!  Not again!  FUCK!  I clawed at the fabric underneath my sweaty palms and roared angrily, throwing my head back in defeat and kicking violently at the thing that was moving on top of my chest.  "Sora!"  My voice was hoarse and ragged from all of the howling.  "Sora, stop it!  Sora!!"  I choked on my own voice and began to cough horribly, sharp, scratchy noises coming from deep within my throat while I struggled to break loose of my restrictions.  No…no…  Come back…please…

            Hacking noisily, I did not hear the deep, resonating voice that tried to pull me from my dreams.

            It's funny how you can be asleep and dreaming, but still be able to realize what's going on in reality as well…

            An arm wrapped around my shuddering shoulders and pulled me up into a sitting position rather awkwardly as I coughed louder and louder, thick, slimy-textured mucous beginning to accumulate on the back of my tongue as well.  My forehead throbbed and the pain only got worse the harder I racked my sore throat.  I felt so ill…  God…  My entire body bathed in the white-hot affliction.  I heard a familiar voice talking to me in the distance, and strangely enough, all current visions began to disappear as I awoke to the soothing…resting back against the soft pillows and trying to calm my symptoms.  

            I felt so cruddy.  

            "Shh, child, it was only a dream."

            Yes…a dream…  I tried to open my eyes to the dark, silky baritone echo, but they felt painfully numb and oddly heavy.  It seemed like they were filled and being weighed down…  Quite annoying.

            "You're awake now.  It's okay."

            I still coughed, only not as badly, but between breaths I attempted to open my mouth and say something, my voice coming out soft and muted, scratched and corroded.  "My head hurts."

            "Shh," he whispered gently as he pulled me into his bare, rock-hard chest and cradled the back of my head in his hand, the fingers of the other one slowly gliding up underneath my hair and caressing my neck.  

            His touch felt so nice, even in my about delirious state.  So enticing…

            "You've a fever, angel.  These dreams are causing your temperature to flare."

            I let my slick forehead fall into his tanned skin.  I was so unbearably hot.  I hadn't had a fever in…I can't even remember…  I must've been really young, though, for it seemed as if it were an eternity.

            And I'd felt perfectly fine all through the day…

            "Come, darling," Ansem said to me tenderly, easily lifting me up from my lethargic position and slumping half of my upper body over his rippling shoulder blade.  The muscles radiated from underneath his skin.  "Perhaps a bath will do."

            "A bath?" I murmured in question as I laced my fingers in his silky silver hair.  "…What…?"

            He rubbed my back reassuringly.  "A bath, to cool you down with."

            "I don't want…a bath…Ansem."

            "Nonsense," he chided in a comforting voice.  "So feisty all of the time.  Even when you're half asleep and suffering from a fever you'll put up a fight."

            I sighed into his neck and breathed in his scent, subtly intoxicating, but transmitting that seducing, undeniable scent of a real man.  My lips met his warm flesh in a clumsy manner as we made our way over to the grand bathroom, which sparkled and glittered with rare crystals and pearly stone even in the darkest part of the night.

            Well, like I mentioned a while ago, there was no day in Kingdom Hearts…

            But he did have electricity in this place, strangely enough, and the lights weren't on at the moment, so I guess I could say something along those lines, right?

            Right.

            Ansem's fingers twined themselves around my drenched locks of gray, which had become darker after getting wet, and I fought to keep my eyes open when he entered the bathroom and turned on the light switch, afterwards kneeling down next to the large, circular tub and switching on the faucet.

            Water began to pour out heavily, streaming down and out of the platinum spout like a rushing waterfall.  Kind of like the one back home on my islands, where I used to dunk Sora underneath for fun.

            Sora…

            "Why do you still think about that boy?"

            Huh?  I glanced with my peripheral vision at Ansem's distracted face, noting to myself that I must have spoken his name out loud.  "I…I…I don't," I lied quietly as I watched the water continue to climb downwards speedily and slide down the shimmering shower walls with a strange sort of elegance.  

            Ansem set me down on the cool marble floor and felt my forehead.  "You dream about him often, though.  This isn't the first time."

            Well, if he knew that then he knew that.  There was no sense in denying the inevitable.  I nodded slowly, hands still clutching at Ansem's powerful arms.  

            "You love him?"

            "What?" I asked, a bit startled by the blunt question.  I couldn't fully comprehend what was going through my head at the moment, nor what was going on in general because of my rising fever and the hellish symptoms, but I did hear that.

            "Do you love that boy, Sora?"

            My fingers tightened as they slid down to his wrists.  "…I…  No.  …Love you…"

            His distracted expression lingered and remained on his face for a moment, and then, for a brief second, something else flickered through his fire-orange eyes, an emotion that I wasn't able to comprehend.  He smirked slightly afterwards, though, and leaned in to press his lips against my burning forehead, where his gentle kiss left its imprint.  "Of course you do, little angel.  Now let's get you into this bath before you heat up any more."

            Ansem pried my fingers off of his hands and he brought his face back to where I could see it.  Tenderly, he reached over to my waist and pulled the elastic of my boxer shorts down across my groin and past my hips, sliding them lower and lower until the waistband glided past my knees and finally my ankles.  Being that those were the only article of clothing I'd been sleeping in, I was now nude and ready to get into the tub.

            "I'm so tired, Ansem."

            "I know you are.  Just try to stay awake for a little while, though, and then we can take you back to bed."

            "Hnn," I grunted.  "Alright."

            He slumped me against his shoulder again, identical to the last time, and stood up with me resting against his arm.

            I was so tired…  All I wanted to do was sleep.  My body still throbbed and my head still pounded, but with Ansem handling me so nicely it wasn't so hard to ignore.  It did hurt, though, I couldn't deny that.  I just had to try not to acknowledge the fact, and perhaps it wouldn't be so bad.

            My father had taught me that…to forget about my pain…

            Showing it would be a sign of weakness.  

            But I **was** weak, in a way, so did it really matter if I held it in.  Well…

            I guess some things you just never grow out of.

            Or at least not yet.

            Ansem leaned over and sat me down in the refreshingly cool water, propping my back up against the cushiony pillow of leather bound fluff that lined the back wall of the deliciously cold porcelain.  It felt so wonderful against my hot flesh, so nice and so amazingly relieving.  Ahh…

            I was having an extremely hard time staying awake.

            He cupped some water in both hands and brought it up to the top of my head, separating his palms slowly so that the cool liquid poured from his hands and fell against my sweaty hair.  He continued to do this until every strand was wet, speaking to me softly the entire time.  "I'm going to wash your hair first."

            Nodding, I watched tiredly as his hands reached for the slippery bottles of shampoo and conditioner on the shelf to my right, afterwards putting the conditioner down and opening the cap to the shampoo.  He squeezed a good amount into the palm of his free hand, put the large bottle down, and rubbed his hands together to make a soapy lather out of the clear jelly substance that he held.  

            With both of us having the kind of hair that we do, we went through a lot of bottles of hair care…

            "Just relax," he whispered as he brought his fingers down to meet my scalp and rubbed the bubbles against it, his massaging way of doing it causing my eyes to almost slide shut completely.  It felt so good.  So, so good.

            I really couldn't stay awake like this.

            "That feels nice," I told him as he continued to make circles against my head using his smooth fingers.

            He laughed lightly.  "It does, doesn't it?"

            "You're good at it."

            "Thanks."

            "Mhmm."

            He caressed my scalp for a while longer before moving his hands underneath the running water from the faucet and rinsing them off, bringing back a pile of water which he used to shower the soap off of me with.  He asked, "Feeling a little better yet?"

            I was.  I was definitely cooling off a little, and the pain in my head wasn't quite as bad.  "Yeah."

            "Good."  He reached for the tube of conditioner and popped off the cap before dropping a lump of the creamy white into his hands.

            I waited for the feel of them against my scalp again.  I wanted that niceness one more time…

            "Ansem?" I asked quietly, sighing lightly at the end of his name when his fingers came in contact with my head.

            "Yes, darling?"

            I smiled despite myself, ignoring the illness that continued to surround my senses, but focusing on his loving voice instead.  Even that was beautiful.  He was just so…graceful…  Something about him was so perfect that it made me want to stay right there forever.

            Even without Sora.

            Even…even if I could never see him or Kairi again.

            Why did I need them, anyway, when I had Ansem around?

            He was all I could ever want.  He was everything that any man or woman could dream of.  He was just Ansem, and that was flawless.  Powerful.  Powerful in a beautiful way, though.  Powerful in a way that made you feel like you never wanted to be without him.

            Powerful over me.

            But I didn't care.

            I sighed.  "I…ah…never mind.  I forget what I was going to say, anyway."

            Looking up, I saw him smile.  "Really?" He asked in a playful tone as his hands ran along the drenched strands of my hair.

            "Yeah."

            "Alright."

            When he finished with the conditioner he wet my hair once more and rinsed the soap out, pouring water over my head until no more residue was left.  Then he turned off the faucet and washed my back and shoulders, afterwards sloshing water against my skin to drive all of the fresh-scented soap away.

            Finally he flipped the switch for the drain, and I watched distractedly as the water began to swirl in a whirlwind as it filed down the drain and the tub began to empty.  

            Ansem reached over to the glass rack mounted to the shimmering wall and pulled off a fluffy, extra-large white towel.  I held onto the edge of the tub and got to my knees a little unsteadily, but soon his arm was around my waist and he lifted me to my feet carefully, wrapping me in the warm towel next and pulling me close to his own heated body, where he supported my slightly trembling frame against his smooth torso and kissed the top of my head.  "We can go back to bed now," he murmured into my scalp as I held onto him loosely, burying my face into him.  "Come on, I'll carry you back if you don't feel like you can walk."

            I moaned lightly and he picked me up in his arms, wrapping the towel more securely around my now refreshed body and flicking off the light switch on our way out.

            Even though I did feel a lot better, that didn't mean that I actually felt **better**.  Well, you know what I mean.  I still had a fever.

            My body still hurt, refreshed or not.  Just not as badly.

            He carried me across the plushy, white -with-black-stripes carpet and took the soft towel off of my waist, throwing it behind him somewhere and laying me down against the silky black satin of his expensive sheets.  The bed wasn't warm anymore, but instead cool and satisfying against my bare skin as I closed my eyes and initiated to get back to sleep.

            Ansem's full lips brushed against mine lightly as he leaned in over my face, and with my eyes remaining closed I kissed him back gently, wanting to but ultimately too tired to indulge myself in a powerful tongue-lock with the man.  I felt him smile as he pulled away, whispering to me, "Goodnight, angel," and walking around to the other side of the bed and dropping into its softness.

            "'Night," I whispered, and with the pain of my fever still there (but subsiding a good amount), I relaxed and leaned my head against Ansem's smooth shoulder.

**( * )**

**Ansem**

            He was so beautiful when he slept.  I watched as the movement behind his closed eyelids ceased to continue and he rested his face against my shoulder, knowing that any moment now he would fall back to sleep.

            I stared at the ceiling above me.  

            Such a dark child; so hurt and confused.  But angelic, nonetheless.  Heavenly little creature…

            Quietly, as not to disturb him, I reached up to stroke the boy's pretty silver mane.  His lips twitched slightly and rose up in the corners, producing a small smile as he continued to drift slowly into his slumber.

            Beautiful…  Good and evil at the same time.  

            Dark angel.

            **My **dark little angel.  Amazing how innocent and how guilty one person could be all at once.

**( * )**

**Author's Notes: **Hmm, hmm hmm.  Well…weird…I guess.  Weird chapter.  But I added Ansem's point of view.  ^_^  And I have to get more lengthy with these chapters.  I'm just so lazy.  All I want to do is get these chapters posted.  And it takes me so long, doesn't it?

Lol.  Anyway, I know this chapter was quite different from the other 3.  It just had a different aura to it, huh?  Strange, but I find myself liking it better.  I should've probably added one more scene to this, but the only thing is I'm not going to have to go somewhere in a few minutes, and what happens is when I leave a chapter hanging on some part and then I go back to it, I get totally lost and I just lose my spark to write for the time being.  I always have to write the chapter all at once or not at all.  It's a weird kind of thing.  So instead of making you guys wait for another 2 weeks or whatever, I figure that I should just give this one to you now and write Chapter 5 in the near future.

I hope you're not disappointed.  Time seems to be flying by really quickly though.  I don't notice that it's been 3 and a half weeks since I last updated.  I'll really try not to take so long, but school just insists on keeping me very busy.  Grr…  That's life, though, right?  Anyway, I got this chapter out faster than usual, though.  Or at least a little faster.

Alright, so I'll try to have Chapter 5 posted not too long of a time from now.  I think I'll introduce Sora's point of view in it, too, only I'm a little afraid I won't be able to pull it off as well as Riku's.  And now **I'm** finding it hard not to like Ansem.  Yeah, he's evil, but so wonderfully wonderful.  

I'm really rambling now, so I guess I'll go.  Thanks reviewers, for everything.  You're really the reasons that keep me going with this fic, so I really appreciate all of the nice comments that you give me.  :)  Love you guys, and I'll see you again in Chapter 5.  

-Vix-


End file.
